Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize