Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will be naked everywhere
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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