We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My pussy is not your playground.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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