Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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