She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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