if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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