Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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