It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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