God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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