Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize