I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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