Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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