I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize