I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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