watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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