Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize