I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
