I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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