you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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