you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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