What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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