Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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