Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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