haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize