9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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