We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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