I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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