Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize