any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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