Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize