I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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