i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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