He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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