I'm jealous of your bromance
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your dad touched me again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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