Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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