Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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