Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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