from now on my penis is your penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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