why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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