between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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