If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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