I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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