Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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