so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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