I faked an abortion last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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