You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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