I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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