I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize