I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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