small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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